part twenty five

[kficanon]

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Comments

[(Anonymous)]

hehe thank you
I'm pretty confident with characterisation but I have problems with plot, prose, pm everything lol u_u

the ones I'm sorta proud of:
http://seouldout-fic.livejournal.com/95523.html
http://seouldout-fic.livejournal.com/98132.html
http://niyaowo.livejournal.com/2424.html#cutid8


my most recent one that I think is representative of a majority of my fics: http://niyaowo.livejournal.com/3216.html


thank you ❤

[(Anonymous)]

Title: Wonderwall
Fandom and Pairing: Baby Soul

Concise and carefully worded. Great job on that. The only technical changes (personal preference) I'd make are these:

She tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear, closingcloses her eyes, and takes a deep breath.

Everyone in the crowd, everyone sitting behind the television screen, everyone in Woollim is expecting something more.
to
Everyone -- in the crowd, behind the television screen, Woollim -- everyone is expecting something more.

The repetition has more impact imo than the original version. I like that you're willing to repeat a word because what many writers don't realise is that a heavy hand with the thesaurus can be far more jarring. Repetition, not so much in a short fic like this, can also connect a piece and provide callbacks.

I like this: it's coherent, immediate and gets to the point. Always starting with an action scene can be boring and even contrived, but this isn't the case here.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree wholeheartedly on those changes~❤

[(Anonymous)]

Title: Subject to Change (lol is that the title or the fourth wall)
Fandom and Pairing: Infinite; Myungsoo-centric

I don't understand the extended metaphor. I can see you try for it, but the large chunky paragraph (which isn't bad in itself) doesn't relate well to the central idea overall. FOr example, you set up the picture-taking and you set up the skipping pebbles image then abandon it in the next sentence and that fragmentation weakens both understanding and coherency.

That's not to say subtlety isn't good; subtlety can often be more meaningful in the end because it invites the reader to form their own judgments. I like that you don't equte subtlety with purple prose (but by all means, evoke something pretty if you have a purpose for doing so). Experiments can work wonderfully and less wonderfully. This wasn't so bad, all in all.

I may read the other two tomorrow because I have to go now. Haha. Hope I helped.

[(Anonymous)]

haha.

[(Anonymous)]

what

[(Anonymous)]

nothing, you said haha, i said haha~

[(Anonymous)]

in that case i say byul

[(Anonymous)]

buing buing~ ^^

[(Anonymous)]

.....sorry i realised this wasn't as specific as it could have been. tiredness can do that oops? yea this was basically a series of thoughts because there's only so much you can pick a drabble apart.

[(Anonymous)]

❤ yes this definitely helped
thank you so much anon