one thing i liked about this remix was that the remixer added the roman numerals to help the reader figure out non-chronological order of the scenes. at first i found the order strange and jarring, but as i read on i got used to it and really enjoyed it. i like how this story expanded on the original, fleshed out the emotions and really drove the original feelings home. the repeated use of the state of the roses as a symbol of the state of their relationship felt a bit heavy-handed. using it less would have had more of an impact, in my opinion.
the writing was solid and the story held much the same appeal as the original. overall, pretty good!
the story takes a rather sudden leap close to the end, where tao and g-dragon move from working together to being lovers. i would have enjoyed a more natural progression rather than having tao go from looking at g-dragon as his senior/idol to jerking off to g-dragon's face to tao feeling he could try and kiss him. i'm not sure why, but it just didn't work for me. the writing overall was really good, but it had moments of those run-on, comma-heavy sentences kpop fic seems to love so much. i liked the hints of how their relationship worked in the end, how tao was the initiator. i also really enjoyed the characterization of tao even if i'm unfamiliar with him.
ia i loved the fic until the end where it just didn't feel as real. i mean it went from one sided to a potential relationship so fast. but i loved that the writer fleshed out such a sort drabble into something more. good in the sense of a remix.
i know this is nit-picky but i really dislike when chinese names aren't romanized correctly. in this case the author used hangeng instead of the correct romanization han geng and i just found it grating. considering that the original fic consisted of dialogue only, the author added a lot to the story. the twist they chose was... interesting? very power rangers/kamen rider/you get the idea. this was a very odd fic that might have benefitted from some expansion, but then again, might not have. the writing was at times decent.
the were a number of awkward things about this author's writing. the usage of apostrophes in the place of quotation marks, for one, and some of the word choice as well (use of uncomfortableness when i think discomfort was what they were going for). the sentence structure was at times confusing, making me go back and read a line two or three times to completely understand the meaning. i don't get why the author mixed real names and stage names (l is myungsoo but hoya is still hoya).
i did, however, like the twist on the original premise of the story. giving dongwoo a semi-superpower was a fun idea. i admit the writing kept me from enjoying the story, though.
very very minor point but hoya has said it was a nickname from his family and he prefers to be called that by friends, so i don't really see it as a stage name in the same way as, like, l. i can see why it would be confusing though, and generally i agree with you about mixing real names and stage names.
ficmix review thread, posts #11-14
(Anonymous) 2013-09-03 12:32 pm (UTC)(link)#11, yesung/kyuhyun
(Anonymous) 2013-09-03 12:49 pm (UTC)(link)the writing was solid and the story held much the same appeal as the original. overall, pretty good!
Re: #11, yesung/kyuhyun
(Anonymous) 2013-09-03 12:58 pm (UTC)(link)Re: #11, yesung/kyuhyun
(Anonymous) 2013-09-03 02:20 pm (UTC)(link)#12, g-dragon/tao
(Anonymous) 2013-09-03 01:16 pm (UTC)(link)Re: #12, g-dragon/tao
(Anonymous) 2013-09-05 07:31 am (UTC)(link)#13, suju gen
(Anonymous) 2013-09-03 02:20 pm (UTC)(link)#14, oops
(Anonymous) 2013-09-03 02:21 pm (UTC)(link)Re: #13, suju gen
(Anonymous) 2013-09-04 10:38 am (UTC)(link)#13, hoya/dongwoo
(Anonymous) 2013-09-03 02:32 pm (UTC)(link)i did, however, like the twist on the original premise of the story. giving dongwoo a semi-superpower was a fun idea. i admit the writing kept me from enjoying the story, though.
Re: #13, hoya/dongwoo
(Anonymous) 2013-09-03 02:45 pm (UTC)(link)Re: #13, hoya/dongwoo
(Anonymous) 2013-09-03 03:26 pm (UTC)(link)Re: #13, hoya/dongwoo
(Anonymous) 2013-09-03 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)