Jinri climbed in first. She laughed anxiously as she saw Victoria’s sleepy face, puzzled as to why she was in such a hurry. As soon as she leaned back on some pillows their manager stole from China Airlines, she pulled out her phone and pressed a button to see her home screen. Her face fell as she saw no notifications.
Her disappointment faded quickly and she was embarrassed with herself. “What did you expect,” she mumbled to herself. “You’re not the center of his universe. And he’s probably asleep…or busy.”
She fell asleep on Victoria’s shoulder as soon as she tucked her phone back in her pocket -- she didn’t feel it vibrate against her thigh eight minutes later.
i'm guessing you're young or you like them young? and you like to be in control of what's happening around you but you're also maybe more practical than sulli here. because you choose to put her to sleep, which means eventually her priorities win out, and the text is a belated after thought that gives the reader satisfaction while sulli basically has no idea. which is an interesting, more economical way of saying things. i'd say you're more like victoria here, you'd give sulli a similar anxiety because you can be young and hopeful and playful and all those things, but you wouldn't deny logic its place. i say this more because i feel like the real detail or depth in your writing is in the parts not so much with the narrative but with the set up.
aha yes i'm pretty young ig ;; wow anon, that's all really interesting! i moght not have digested everything you said because i am sleepy but yes -- v v interesting and you're right about depth in set-up rather than narrative when it comes to me, haha
or maybe because it's probably all not true at all! i was just having a bit of fun, anon, so thank you for going along with it and i quite like the detailing to your set ups so no worries there!
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(Anonymous) 2012-12-22 05:54 pm (UTC)(link)Her disappointment faded quickly and she was embarrassed with herself. “What did you expect,” she mumbled to herself. “You’re not the center of his universe. And he’s probably asleep…or busy.”
She fell asleep on Victoria’s shoulder as soon as she tucked her phone back in her pocket -- she didn’t feel it vibrate against her thigh eight minutes later.
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(Anonymous) 2012-12-22 06:18 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-12-22 06:27 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-12-22 06:47 pm (UTC)(link)