the way he hasn't done anything for this to happen but he's wanted it makes me thing perhaps you're not the most ambitious person? or you're one who'd choose a lot of whatever, i'll manage over a bit of very exact happiness and its consequences. and that you don't forget easily and in some way, you'd want this person to be a very particular person and it comes across in the way you write them. like you have a very detailed opinion of the ideal version of this person and maybe for yourself as well. maybe you daydream or you don't like to stand out though you'd love to be precisely what you want, perhaps it would get you attention you don't want so it's a bit of a personality tug of war?