part twenty five

[kficanon]

• ANONYMOUS COMMENTING ENABLED• IP OFF• NO SPAMMING.• NO PICS. Post the links in the subject line instead.

LINKSkficanon delicious archivechallenge responsesbeta advertisementMeme Long Challenge Promptsfic comms on livejournal
POSTING THE NAMES AND ADDRESSES OF USERS IS A SERIOUS TOS VIOLATION. PLEASE DON'T DO IT
stuff
kficanon fic exchange
kpop ficmixseouldoutkfic collab challengeseoulfulnesskillers au

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Title: Wonderwall
Fandom and Pairing: Baby Soul

Concise and carefully worded. Great job on that. The only technical changes (personal preference) I'd make are these:

She tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear, closingcloses her eyes, and takes a deep breath.

Everyone in the crowd, everyone sitting behind the television screen, everyone in Woollim is expecting something more.
to
Everyone -- in the crowd, behind the television screen, Woollim -- everyone is expecting something more.

The repetition has more impact imo than the original version. I like that you're willing to repeat a word because what many writers don't realise is that a heavy hand with the thesaurus can be far more jarring. Repetition, not so much in a short fic like this, can also connect a piece and provide callbacks.

I like this: it's coherent, immediate and gets to the point. Always starting with an action scene can be boring and even contrived, but this isn't the case here.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree wholeheartedly on those changes~❤