part twenty five

[kficanon]

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Comments

[(Anonymous)]

first and foremost is practise, practise, practise. which is something you've already down very well.

so i just picked memento mori (http://niyaowo.livejournal.com/2653.html#cutid1) because i love the prompt and i've read it before. some easy fixes:
- if in doubt, active voice over passive. make it snappier. passive voice is very useful in certain instances but too often it can bog down your writing.
- showing (through images, sensory information, emotions) not telling
- is each motion, facial spasm, adverb truly necessary to describe? speed it up! i know i get bogged down in the sequence of events, and every so often i have to take a step back and go NOPE. CUTTING THAT OUT. this also foregrounds the important and/or interesting parts of your narrative. careful, selective storytelling also encourages the reader to read closer and consider each sentence as they progress.

e.g. the first paragraph:

Lu Han heard the crunch of leaves below his feet The leaves crunched below Lu Han's feet and his wings disappeared into the wind. The first thing he noticed was how different Earth looked compared to a few hundred years ago. (I'd rewrite this completely: e.g. "Earth had become unrecognisable in mere centuries.") He really had slept too long this time. (show us! "The sunlight burned through the last vestiges of sleep.")

- a ctrl+f on "ly" brings up highlights everywhere. 90% of the time, a sentence that needs an adverb can be easily reworded to much greater effect. The use of terms such as "finally" and "after a moment" shows a sensitivity and rigidity in the sequence of time and also, if you find, often can be removed outright without changing the meaning of anything at all. readers aren't as sensitive as you think! although they can help in suspenseful scenes, other techniques such as using curt sentences can easily emulate that feeling.

- addendum: 'really' is weak. you want to use it in dialogue? if that is the character's voice and not your own, sure. still, try another word or cut it out entirely. economy is key. that's not to say you can't have your vivid descriptions, because if done thoughtfully you absolutely can.

- this is just a list of technicalities because you have a very strong foundation: interesting ideas, strong work ethic, a desire to improve. but technicalities are also part of the foundation! and often the most easily improved. i'll talk about these and more, including what i like, in another post.

tbc as i read the fics you've actually linked lol

[(Anonymous)]

ffs someone kick these tags for me

[(Anonymous)]

the strange thing is I had a beta who basically pulled that fic apart but she never addressed those issues (which were the issues I was interested in lol) thank you so so much (I am bookmarking this)

anticipating the rest \o/