maybe. i'll be getting along then relapse out of the blue, and wow to (feel like i) erase months of progress in a single day is gutting like you wouldn't believe. every time i hike up the cliff, i'm stupid enough to step right off and end up exactly where i was. the view is nice while it lasts, i guess. sorry for the pretentious analogies, it's just hard to define my feelings at the moment.

i wish i could do more by stop being so sensitive, critical, self-centred. make the leap between acknowledging and acting. grow in the direction i want to grow in. immerse myself in an environment i can thrive in. rationally i know this is nothing but a disorder in brain chemistry. but the brain is never easily made rational.