meme this is triggery and i'm sorry to unload but my emotions have been such a rollercoaster recently and i just. the highs have been good perhaps to the point of mania, i don't know i haven't been diagnosed, but the lows are like trudging through a fetid cess pool and they never come with any reason. spontaneous. and then i reflect back on myself and who i am and start to hate, my personality, my lack of drive, so many things i can't describe. not all of me so much as the most fundamental parts of me. i know these are common feelings. i'm getting help. sometimes... sometimes i wish i could do more.

will probably regret this in the morning, as usual